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Hollywood's least-coveted award nominations

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Stone_l

Stone_lThank God for the Razzies. In these self-serious, awards-heavy months, it’s so refreshing to have something as silly — yet completely dead on — as the Golden Raspberry Awards, which offer prizes for the year’s worst movies and performances. Some of the categories are just fantastic — Worst Remake or Rip-Off, Worst Excuse for a Family Film, etc.

Leading the nominations are Sharon Stone comeback vehicle (Not!) Basic Instinct 2 (pictured) and the Wayans Brothers’ most recent attempt to secure a place in hell, Little Man. Alongside those two in the Worst Picture category are Bloodrayne, Wicker Man, and Lady in the Water. It’s my humble opinion that Lady in the Water should win hands down. The difference here is that, as opposed to the other four movies, in which everyone involved probably know they were making something awful, M. Night Shyamalan truly, truly thought he was doing something great. (If you find this hard to believe, pick up Michael Bamberger’s hagiographic book about the making of the movie, The Man Who Heard Voices. It really makes Shyamalan look bad.) I’m not going to lie, I walked out of the movie three-fourths of the way through. I was embarrassed to be watching it, and embarrassed for everyone around me. I hope never to hear the word “narf” again.

Going down the rest of the noms, I think Uwe Boll (generally acknowledged as the worst living director of non-pornographic films) is a shoo-in for Bloodrayne. Worst Screen Couple? It’s between Sharon Stone’s breasts and Nicolas Cage and his bear suit. And while Kate Bosworth is only nominated once for Worst Supporting Actress (for Superman Returns), while Kristin Chenoweth was nominated for three movies, Bosworth ruined what could have been something great. You’re no Lois Lane, Kate.

Look at the list, PopWatchers. Who or what do you think deserves a Razzie? Any obvious oversights?

addCredit(“Basic Instinct 2: Jaap Buitendijk“)