Producer Jerry Bruckheimer recently confirmed the longstanding rumor that Keith Richards will indeed be appearing in Pirates of the Carribean III. And now, we’ve got our hands on Richards’ on-location contract rider listing the perks that the Rolling Stones guitarist and legendary, uh, bon viveur needs in his trailer. Well, okay, we haven’t really got our hands on it -– but if we had, we figure it would read something like this:
KEEF’S PIRATES III RIDER
– A dozen patterned silk rugs featuring no fewer than five cigarette burns per square foot.
– A sign which reads: “Remember, Keith, the pirates are actors, not hallucinations.”
– A skull-shaped ashtray.
– A skull-shaped jacuzzi.
– An actual skull.
– Two assistants with exotic and/or sinister nicknames (ie “Moroccan” Dave, “Razors” McGinty, and so forth)
– Six pints of “uncontaminated” blood.
– A wheatgrass pulper and selection of fresh fruit (only joking -– Keith, of course, hasn’t actually eaten anything since 1972).
– A pair of snakeskin boots or, if unavailable, a pair of snakes and a large knife
– A fully qualified bandana-wrangler.
– A dartboard decorated with a still photograph of Mick Jagger in Freejack.
– A lawyer.
addCredit(“Keith Richards: MJ Kim/Getty Images”)