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How to keep Keef happy on the 'Pirates III' set

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Richards_lProducer Jerry Bruckheimer recently confirmed the longstanding rumor that Keith Richards will indeed be appearing in Pirates of the Carribean III. And now, we’ve got our hands on Richards’ on-location contract rider listing the perks that the Rolling Stones guitarist and legendary, uh, bon viveur needs in his trailer. Well, okay, we haven’t really got our hands on it -– but if we had, we figure it would read something like this:


– A dozen patterned silk rugs featuring no fewer than five cigarette burns per square foot.

– A sign which reads: “Remember, Keith, the pirates are actors, not hallucinations.”

– A skull-shaped ashtray.

– A skull-shaped jacuzzi.

– An actual skull.

– Two assistants with exotic and/or sinister nicknames (ie “Moroccan” Dave, “Razors” McGinty, and so forth)

– Six pints of “uncontaminated” blood.

– A wheatgrass pulper and selection of fresh fruit (only joking -– Keith, of course, hasn’t actually eaten anything since 1972).

– A pair of snakeskin boots or, if unavailable, a pair of snakes and a large knife

– A fully qualified bandana-wrangler.

– A dartboard decorated with a still photograph of Mick Jagger in Freejack.

– A lawyer.

addCredit(“Keith Richards: MJ Kim/Getty Images”)