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'O.C.' Deathwatch: Please don't choke!

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Oc_l_1

Oc_l_1Okay. Even I can admit last night’s ep was kind of a buzzkill. Not much compelled, and practically nothing made sense. Taylor behaved horribly and way out of character from the rest of the season, Seth willingly let Che “guide” him through the woods (the show’s already explored weed and coke; the next logical step was obviously hallucinogenic berries), and believe me, I love me a good bake sale (2-for-$5 Entenmann’s!), but where the F was Sandy?! Ugh. Deep breath. Five more to go. Make it happen.

Of course, since this is The O.C., there were nuggets of awesome (that’s six apiece on the dollar menu until January 28). Ryan and Summer had some great scenes together, one of which involved faux-choking (pictured) and the keen acknowledgment of Ryan’s foot-wide neck. I love their interaction — Roberts is bitchy, Atwood is sullen, and yet you can tell they have a basic understanding of “Yeah, we’re good friends.” The candy/bear atrocity Ryan picked up for Taylor said “Thanks!” on it, a detail which easily made up for at least four gratuitous cuts to the atrocious Henri-Michel. And Julie’s whole chlamydia scam was pretty out-there, but it allowed for this line: “Please let Linda think she has an STD.” Oh Julie.

Back to mean mode: I could not stand that band geek, Lucy. Irecognized the actress as the sketch comedy fangirl/translator for herpowerful dad on two episodes of Studio 60 (she’s had bit partsin many other shows as well), and thought, “Okay, maybe her voice ismaking me want to kill myself because she’s just trying to enunicatefor the plebes and sound earnest.” But no, it was the same on The O.C.These were all her lines: “Squeeeeeeeeeeeak!” [Brief, exasperatedexhalation.] [Dumb-ass grin.] Honestly, before I realized she wasreally supposed to be an actress, I assumed she was someridiculed-then-discarded reality show contestant of whom I’d bepreviously, blissfully, unaware. This girl and Henri-MIchel need to gettrapped in a hell-like tomb full of chlamydia and the festering bodycells of Marissa Cooper. In fact, maybe a hypothetical area like thiswould be a great place to store everything we ever hated about thisshow. Johnny, Oliver, Lindsay’s oboe….

Of course we’d need a special “heaven” area for items like PrincessSparkles, Marissa’s flask, and the bagel slicer. What else do you wantto toss into these piles? What do you want to see happen in the lastfew eps?