Annie Barrett
January 11, 2007 AT 12:00 PM EST

Yeah. I did it. I watched the premiere of Armed and Famous last night. What? I thought there might be good photo ops. And there were, thanks to this show’s inexplicable obsession with subtitles. In the above image, LaToya Jackson would have just murdered the Muncie, Ind. cop who was training her, if the gun she’d been holding wasn’t a toy. Note her absolute delight at this revelation. Below her, “celebrity” wrestler Trish Stratus attempts to distinguish herself by being badass. She wants to take a bullet instead of the same taser shock that threw co-recruit Erik Estrada into an oddly orgasmic trance of extreme face-stretching. Keep in mind, everything that’s being said on the show is in plain, un-accented English. I feel the producers genuinely think adding textual proof to the equation will make us get that much more out of a particular scene. They were right!

Honestly, it wasn’t as awful as I’d expected. I think the ridiculous premise alone — five semi-famous exposure junkies go around arresting crackheads (indeed, and plenty of ’em) in Indiana — explains my slight fascination. It’s fun imagining WTF the residents think of them, and I like trying to figure out how much of the show’s events are totally staged. (I was convinced all the arrests was fake, until, um, a family’s house burned down. Still, Christmas presents safely stowed in a metal trunk? That was convenient…)

I’ll at least record it next week. Come on, do it for Ponch.

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