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I need to know how and/or why you're watching 'Identity'

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151231__penn_lI can’t bring myself to actually watch Identity, NBC’s new game show featuring Penn Jillette and a bunch of faker bakers masquerading as things like “Mall Santa” or “Shark Attack Victim” or “Self-loathing.” Okay, not that last one, which would probably apply to all participants. Anyway, NBC wants the show to follow in Deal or No Deal‘s footsteps and become a big hit after airing every single night of one week. So I gotta know: Is it working? Are you watching? And if so: 1) Why? and 2) How?! Look at the scary photo of Penn! I wonder what he’s thinking. I was about to strangle you, viewer, but since my lazy eyes have diverted up into space, you’re off the hook… FOR NOW. Yikes!

I’ll admit: the premise of the show — judging a book by its cover, essentially — is actually intriguing to me. A few years ago, I determined, based on pure instinct, whether each of a group of people at a party liked or disliked pickles. I somehow got on a roll and guessed all 14 correctly. In a row. Probably the coolest thing I’ve ever done. But footage of me doing this would not make great or even acceptable television. And Identity looks even worse, if that’s possible. Correct me if I’m wrong. Deal?