December 14, 2006 at 12:00 PM EST

(With apologies to Calvin Trillin… and since I’m apologizing, to Rosie as well.)

i used to love that brash way about you,
that unapologetic way in which you shook up the view
but ro, old girl, you’re getting tired, and so am i,
of the ching chong ping pong flip flop, please stop!

stop making your hasty accusations,
and making light of pleas for reparations.
i’ll relax when you do
i’ll relax when you do.

well, i’m glad you got the expert opinion of your asian makeup lady
sounds like she really convinced you there, maybe.
your publicist seems to think that asians aren’t as funny as you are tee hee
ex-squeeze me, but have you seen the original kims of comedy? (they’re a riot!)

whatever, girl. we’ve all got to roll with the punches
but i’m not going to forget the people who made fun of my lunches,
and who still do, i might add, telling me that kimchi smells like b.o.
it isn’t just happening on the playground, you know.

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