If you haven’t been to hornymanatee.com yet, well, frankly I don’t know where else you could be going to satisfy your pornographic sea-life needs. No, really, tell me, because I am so turned on right now. After Conan O’Brien referenced the then-nonexistent website during a “New College Mascots” skit on Monday night’s show, NBC was forced to either buy the domain name or cut the line from the broadcast. They bought it (smart!), and so did bored people everywhere: Horny Manatee got 1.5 million hits on Wednesday alone.
NBC says they haven’t had that kind of traffic since “Lazy Sunday.” Conan says “no one in this country has anything better to do,” which we already knew and don’t feel that bad about. I say I would give anything to hug/stroke/[insert your own vaguely suggestive verb here] that exceedingly plush manatee costume. It’s taking all the willpower I have not to run a few blocks east to 30 Rock and devour it in person. Like they’d let me. (This fantasy has been sponsored in part by the the woman-on-plant action in one of my favorite videos ever, Hooverphonic’s endearingly creepy “Mad About You.”)
Take some time to check out the thriving “Fan Art” section, which includes a graphic novel, an inexplicable pic of a girl with her undies showing petting a panda, and even some group play. It’s like the memorable “Fur and Loathing” episode of CSI, but without William Petersen standing by fascinated or anyone getting shot. The live webcam’s my favorite part, because the manatee’s dancing to “I Touch Myself,” but his stubby little arms can only graze his generous underbelly. He (or she)’s got a lot more exploring to do!