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''Nip/Tuck'': Family affairs

On ”Nip/Tuck,” Christian’s son is abducted; Sean plans to break up the partnership; and Matt and Kimber go to extremes to save their marriage

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”Nip/Tuck”: Family affairs

Last night’s Nip/Tuck should have been titled ”Return of the Crazies” with all the loons running around. Besides all the craziness, the whole episode was basically about separation, whether it was between business partners, lovers, or even ventriloquist and dummy.

First things first: Thank God James didn’t kill Wilber. The whole episode had me nervous and worried, because I seriously wouldn’t put it past Nip/Tuck to 86 a little kid, especially in a season that keeps topping itself with outrageous moments. (Remember Melissa Gilbert’s close relationship with her dog?) But Wilber did have to suffer through a visit from the shrill Gina (Jessalyn Gilsig). Yuck. She is quite possibly the least likable female character on television. Thankfully her screen time was limited, although she did manage to abduct Wilber off the playground. It looks like she won’t be around much, as Christian and Michelle have agreed to raise Wilber together. They actually make a pretty cute family. It makes me feel bad for Sean, though. He’s so lonely that he’s considering moving and establishing a life away from Christian. That would probably be good for him, but I doubt it will happen: Nip/Tuck wouldn’t really work without the partners’ close interaction. But who knows on this show? Weirder things have happened. (See the Melissa Gilbert reference above.)

Now let’s turn to a family that’s far less cute than Christian’s new one: Matt, Kimber, and their future baby. Matt, sensing that Kimber was unhappy with their sex lives, decided to seduce his wife by hiring a porn crew to film their lovemaking. (I guess romance isn’t dead.) Unfortunately, their little tryst made it onto a website, and now it’s affecting Kimber and Matt’s status within the Scientology world. Could these two be any more disgusting? I loved it that Kimber’s doctor was none other than James Eckhouse, a.k.a. Jim Walsh from 90210. And speaking of blasts from the past, the breast-implant patient who was hitting on Christian was Robyn Lively, star of the ’80s classic Teen Witch. The casting this season has certainly run the gamut, from Catherine Deneuve to Teen Witch herself.

Since I’m talking about guest stars, I can’t leave out the two biggest names of the night: Jacqueline Bissett (James) and Alanis Morissette (Poppy). Let’s do Alanis first. Did anyone else feel a little shortchanged by this story line? I mean Poppy and Liz just broke up suddenly without much of an explanation. But you do have to love Liz’s parting words to Poppy: ”You are the most beautiful woman that I have ever kissed who didn’t steal one of my organs afterward.” I would have liked a little more info on what these two were like together.

And then there’s James. She is one nasty girl, and not in the good, Janet Jackson way. I can’t believe she even considered selling Wilber’s organs. But at least we found out what made her so coldhearted: James had a son who died from kidney disease, and she’s never gotten over the loss. Still, the villain has to perish, and James shot herself. The big twist ending, though, was that Escobar surprised Michelle by hiding in her car, where he revealed to her that he was actually James’ boss. Now Escobar wants Michelle to take over James’ work. So it looks like James got the last laugh after all.

What do you think? Did you feel you’ve seen that crazy ventriloquist character before? Did you fear for Wilber’s life? Will Sean dissolve the partnership? And how will they wrap everything up in next week’s season finale?