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Who will be crowned 'America's Next Top Model' tonight?

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145241__tyra_lTonight is that magical, magical night when those of us in America crown our Next Top Model, sort of, if by “top” you mean “hey, that was a fairly mediocre Cover Girl commercial you just participated in!” and if by “model” you mean “poor, sweet girl forced to do the bidding of Tyra Banks (pictured) for all eternity.” Your finalists — Eugena, the dead-eyed wonder; CariDee, the spunky sparkplug that could go off at any time and burn your house down; and Melrose, who is 47 years old and a bit of a perfectionist — will compete in one last challenge to see who takes home the Seventeen cover shoot, etc.

Despite the fact that I had the honor of writing the TV Watches for this cycle, I can’t say I’ve enjoyed it; something’s gone horribly wrong this fall and now, instead of being about the girls or the judges or the photography or anything even resembling logic, ANTM is now 99.9 percent about the loopy whims of Tyra. She’s kicked off talented girls and kept around losers; she’s acted out (damning Brooke for crying over missing her high school graduation) and acted up (one word: flamenco); she has not worn a flattering outfit, NOT ONCE, in 11 weeks. Maybe her talk show is going to her head, maybe her wig’s on too tight, who knows. But regardless of who wins this evening — my money has been on Melrose since day one, and there it shall stay — Cycle 7 will go down in history as the one where Tyra was crowned America’s Next Top Megalomaniac.

Anyway, go ahead and register your predictions here, PopWatchers, and then check back in the morning for my take on the finale.