November 17, 2006 at 09:34 PM EST

Variety, in a very funny obit (with the very Onion headline “VHS, 30, dies of loneliness“), reports that videotapes are now officially fossils. Retailers have said they no longer have the shelf space to stock ’em, so the studios will no longer produce ’em. This raises several questions:

  • When will they stop making VCRs? If you, like me, never really use yours, you haven’t bothered to replace it since it ruined your American Anthem tape. Do you run out now and buy a new one just so you’ll have it? Or is it time to finally throw the thing out and sell the tapes it hasn’t destroyed? (Keep in mind that your mom paid $80 for that copy of Dirty Dancing).
  • Exactly which ’80s and ’90 movies are you willing to replace on DVD? The decision will be extremely difficult if they keep releasing classics, like Weekend at Bernie’s, with no extras. (I refuse to believe Jonathan Silverman didn’t have time to talk. He chatted with me).
  • When is American Anthem going to be on DVD? You know you want it.

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