Two bits of trivia about Bob Saget, host of NBC’s hit quiz show 1 vs. 100 (Fridays, 8 p.m.) and guest star on Nov. 28’s Law & Order: SVU: He and his ex-wife, Sherri, split the ashes of their beloved late Cavalier King Charles spaniel, Alan. (Saget, 50, has dedicated his upcoming film Farce of the Penguins, narrated by Samuel L. Jackson, to the pooch.) And, if a line of dialogue sucks, Saget’s brain won’t let him remember it. ”Sometimes, on Full House, I’d write them on a [prop],” he recalls. ”’Michelle, you can’t have a horse in the living room.’ I still stutter if something doesn’t feel right.” You know what always feels right, Bob? EW’s Personality Test!
My American Idol audition song would be:
The love theme from Yentl. I don’t know what that is, but it would be that.
The first famous person I befriended:
I did the audience warm-up for Bosom Buddies, so I became friends with both Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari. They were both unusually great guys. They even put me on the show once, as Bob the Comic.
If I were a name-dropper, I’d mention:
I have a joke about that, actually: ”Name-dropping is a horrible thing to do — Quentin Tarantino told me that.” I actually met him when he worked at a video store in Manhattan Beach, and I was doing standup there. He told me he rented something to me. I said, ”It wasn’t dirty, was it?” He said, ”No, no.” I think he remembered what movie it was, but I don’t. Probably Yentl.
The last thing I watched on YouTube:
People will say, ”You have to see this flaming rocket in this guy’s butt. ”And I’ll watch it, and I’ll go, ”How dumb.” People were worried when I did America’s Funniest Home Videos that viewers would replicate it and get hurt. I’m completely guilt-free now in the world of YouTube.
Choose one: Steve Carell or Ricky Gervais?
I can’t pick between people. ‘Cause someone’s not choosing me right now.
Okay. Groin hit or face plant?
The funniest is if someone gets hit in the groin with someone’s face. It’s always a combo thereof.
Project Runway or America’s Next Top Model?
So tough to choose. I guess I would say Top Model because my three daughters and I can talk about which girls are bitches.
Backstreet Boys or ‘N Sync?
I have to say Backstreet Boys because I do a parody of ”I Want It That Way” called ”Danny Tanner Was Not Gay.”
Which actor should play you in your life story?
If she had not passed away, I would say Nancy Kulp, who played Jane Hathaway on The Beverly Hillbillies. The other choice would be Bea Arthur. I think she could do it. She’s tall and she certainly knows how to deliver comedic material…. I think Stephen Colbert and I should play brothers in something.
Pick a Charlie’s Angel: Kate, Jaclyn, or Farrah?
I vote for Cheryl Ladd because she was brought in as the fourth stooge. She, for me, was like Shemp, who I thought was pretty funny. I had a crush on her.
Which Entourage character are you most like: Vince, Eric, Turtle, or Johnny Drama?
Turtle — he’s the most solid guy. I played myself on an episode in 2005, but obviously, I don’t walk around the house with a bong and hookers. That’s not my life. It’s my nightlife, but it’s not my life.
Which band, past or present, would you have liked to be in?
Salvation Army. Or the Clash — I just love their work ethic.
In 20 years, I’ll be having this plastic surgery:
I’m gonna have my head replaced with someone else’s. I don’t know whose — some lucky person. Maybe Smeagol from Lord of the Rings.
Do people look into your shopping cart, to see what you’re buying?
No, they’re usually staring at my body. They’re just so into me physically that they don’t look at anything in my cart. I’m actually pretty subversive in my shopping habits. I’ll do it in off hours.
The person I’m most often mistaken for:
Myself. People often say to me, ”You look like Bob Saget.” I hear that like ridiculous amounts. And the biggest compliment that’s not a compliment at all is, ”You look much better now.” How hideous did you think I used to look? I guess the years of disdain ’cause I was on TV too much have passed, and looking at me now is like looking at a big plate of meatloaf. It just makes you feel warm inside.
If you were stranded on a desert island with the cast of Full House, who would you eat first?
Comet the Dog. I think he was also Air Bud. I remember us all being upset that he got a feature. We were pretty resentful, and we said, ”If we were on a desert island, we’d eat him.”
My porn name is (Childhood pet + Street You Grew Up On):
Caesar Kingsway. But if I was to be a porn actor, I’d just use the same name. ”Bob Saget’s doing porn. How awesome.” It would just pull all my shows in syndication off the air.