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''Survivor'': Everyone gets double-teamed

One of those dreaded two-elimination episodes of ”Survivor” features tag-team striptease wrestling; plus, Candice blows kisses and her cover at tribal council

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Candice Woodcock, Survivor: Cook Islands

”Survivor”: Everyone gets double-teamed

We need to get this out of the way early. As anyone who read last week’s column knows, I hate, hate, hate having a challenge where the winning team still has to vote someone off. I knew there had to be a multiple-elimination episode at some point, seeing as how the season started with 20 contestants instead of 16, but there are other ways to do it. Why not have two separate immunity challenges in a single episode? Or have two sections of the same challenge, the loser of each having to vote someone out? Or simply have one challenge and make the losing tribe vote two people out? Forcing a winning tribe to boot someone cheapens the importance of the challenge and therefore cheapens the entire game. And don’t give me this BS about them playing for the lamb feast. This whole season has been a feast! These people eat better than I do! Seriously, Ozzy is catching at least 10 freakin’ fish an hour! What do they need a feast for?

Despite being a bit biased against this latest Survivor episode, I will say this: I’d have to go back and do a little research, but I am fairly confident that I have never heard Jeff Probst say anything like ”Becky and Jessica double-teaming on Jenny, trying to separate her legs” before. How does a quote like that make it on to national television? I suppose the same way a shot of Rebecca sticking her hand up Candice’s bum does. Or a shot of Cristina pulling Jessica’s pants off. Frankly, the only thing missing from this edition of Survivor Girls Gone Wild was a big vat of Jello. Now, I like physical challenges, but this one just seemed gratuitous and unimaginative.

Another reason I hate this type of double elimination? It meant that we lost Cao Boi for no good reason. Love him or loathe him, Cao Boi was definitely entertaining. And not as absentminded as he may seem. Although I can’t explain why he was dreaming about a shaman lady offering him a credit card, you have to hand it to him for Plan Voodoo. Now, P.V. — which called for the rest of the tribe to cast three votes for Candice and three votes for Jonathan to see which of them held the hidden immunity idol — was certainly not without faults. For one thing, neither of them had the idol — Yul did. For another, Cao Boi was unable to sell it to the rest of the tribe, who voted his ass out instead. So, no, it wasn’t quite equal to, say, Nakomis from Big Brother‘s Six-Finger Plan, but the whole concept of sniffing out the hidden immunity idol and forcing its usage is still pretty brilliant.

You know what’s decidedly not brilliant? Making googly eyes and blowing kisses to your boyfriend at tribal council. For a woman who notched a perfect score on the math portion of her SATs, Candice didn’t seem quite the genius when she let both tribes know exactly how she and Adam felt about each other. If she were on my tribe, and I knew a merge was coming up, I wouldn’t be too keen about keeping around a woman whose allegiances were clearly to someone on the other team. It’s called sleeping with the enemy, people! Don’t do it. Or, if you’re gonna do it, don’t be so freakin’ obvious about it.

I suppose before we wrap things up, we need to acknowledge the return of Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Chameleon with Cristina’s departure from Rarotonga. She’s the third former member of the original all-Latino Aitu tribe to be eliminated in the four weeks after they threw that challenge in week 2. True, she was a somewhat reluctant and remorseful participant in the plot, but she was a participant nonetheless. Still, I liked Cristina. Sure, she had a big mouth, but unlike a lot of people, she usually backed it up by working hard around camp and removing other women’s clothing during challenges. Both skills will be sorely missed. No doubt she was hoping Aitutaki would ”kidnap” her at tribal council to save her from being ousted, but they appeared more than happy to watch Rarotonga kick out their strongest female, so they took Nate instead. I expect Aitutaki’s domination to continue. I expect the division at Rarotonga to continue. And I expect that when Cao Boi shows up for his appearance on Survivor Live, I will be lucky to get six words in the entire hour, with those six words being ”Sorry, we’re all out of time.” Wait, is that six words or seven? Damn confusing contractions!

What did you think of the double elimination? Was the challenge genius, gratuitous, or both? And what do you make of Plan Voodoo?