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''Desperate Housewives'': Mike's lost years

On ”Desperate Housewives,” Mike wakes up with no memory of his relationship with Susan, but Edie is there to help; plus, Bree’s other shoe drops

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James Denton, Desperate Housewives

”Desperate Housewives”: Mike’s lost years

Three cheers to Marc Cherry! I think this was the best episode yet of the season; it had all the ingredients that made the Desperate Housewives cake so delicious in the first place: comedy, drama, trauma, mystery, scandalous affairs, and someone in the slammer.

And the icing on the cake: There was no Nora!

We first learn Mike has retrograde memory loss, meaning he’s missing two years of his life and thinks it’s 2004. Good thing for Orson, bad, bad thing for Susan, who has now unknowingly fallen victim to Edie’s vindictive brainwashing techniques. It was harsh of Edie to make Susan out to be such a bad person. Setting aside the fact Susan has been annoying and dull lately, I did feel for her when she got treated so coldly by Mike when she finally arrived at the hospital. I really hope romance doesn’t blossom again between Mike and Edie. Lest we forget, last time it ended in a fire burning down Edie’s house.

I’m glad Susan ended her cheesy romance with Ian. What did he expect to happen when Mike woke up? His English accent and visions of trips to France were never going to be enough for her. Come on, Susan only loves men who have criminal pasts.

Speaking of which, we were finally reacquainted with the Orson-Mike story line, but I really wish it had been more advanced than it was. True, we did see Mr. Hodge nearly turn pale when he heard Mike had awoken from his coma, but we never got any clue as to what he planned to say (or do) to Mike when he visited him at the hospital.

Lynette was back to her regular power-mom techniques, paying off the 8-year-old star pitcher of the opposing Little League team with a $50 bill so Parker would actually have a shot at hitting the ball. After the scam is uncovered, Tom says he thinks Lynette is so worried about Parker being a quitter because she’s angry about Tom’s leaving advertising. Lynette eventually admits she’s jealous he’s chasing his dreams and she’s stuck behind a desk. It was nice to see this realistic parenting duo back together again, especially sans Nora.

Gabby and Carlos are living under one roof again, which provided many laugh-out-loud moments. Case in point: When Lynette and Bree are over, she accuses him of peeing in her shampoo. (Have they really stooped that low?) He tells her that if he’d done that, he wouldn’t have done it to her shampoo, but rather her mouthwash, soup, and decaffeinated coffee. Then she goes back to the ladies, none of whom want to drink their coffee. Hilarious!

Turns out Gabby is serious about not getting back together with Carlos. After he picks her up from jail — she was arrested for assaulting the police officers whom she called after Carlos ”broke into” their house — Gabby tells him she doesn’t love him and hasn’t for a very long time, then hits him with the ultimate weapon: telling him that she slept with landscaper John again.

At Danielle’s history fair, Andrew runs into one of his ”customers” from when he was homeless, Dr. Howard Keck, a very respected citizen of the town of Fairview. Orson tries to tell Bree how Andrew got by while on the street, and she thinks he means Andrew did yard work. Is that what the kids are calling it these days? When she finally realizes what Andrew had really been doing, Orson says, ”I think someone could use a cocoa.” How very 1950s of him.

Later, when biscuit-toting Bree tells the doctor’s wife what (or should I say who) her naughty husband had been doing on the side, Mrs. Keck claims she was well aware of it, but didn’t care to know any details. She then tells Bree a little secret of her own: Danielle is sleeping with her 35-year-old history teacher. Now it makes sense that at the history fair, the cradle robber said to Bree, ”Don’t tell anyone, but Danielle is my favorite student.”

After bad-hair Danielle (admit it, you’ve noticed how terrible her locks have been looking lately, too) storms out of the house saying Mr. History Teacher loves her, Bree tells Andrew she’s so tired of feeling like the worst mother who ever lived. The two have a heart-to-heart; something I don’t think we’ve ever seen them actually do before. Did Orson drug Andrew or something? He’s been acting a lot more likable these days. Hopefully it will stay that way.

What do you think: Will Mike and Edie fall in love? Or will Orson try to kill him off first? Will Susan end up going back to Ian? Is Gabby really over Carlos? Will Danielle and the history teacher elope? Finally, is Andrew really done being the bad son?

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