Entertainment Weekly

Stay Connected

Subscribe

Advertise With Us

Learn More

Skip to content

Article

TV's funniest quotes: Pick this week's best

TV’s funniest lines from Oct. 3 to 9. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

Posted on

Calista Flockhart, Brothers & Sisters
Brothers and Sisters: Scott Garfield

”Oh, Warren, you know what? We’re not in the last 10 minutes of a Julia Roberts movie.”
KITTY (CALISTA FLOCKHART), REBUFFING THE HOKEY ADVANCES OF WARREN (JOSH HOPKINS), ON BROTHERS & SISTERS

”Reject a woman and she will never let it go — one of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.”
DWIGHT (RAINN WILSON), ON THE OFFICE

”First of all, I just want to say how scared Elisabeth must be right now to have someone tell her she’s not Christian enough.”
ROSIE O’DONNELL, AFTER GUEST HOST SHON GABLES TOLD ELISABETH HASSELBECK THAT HALLOWEEN IS A ”DEVIL HOLIDAY,” ON THE VIEW

”There were lots of olés, and a couple of oh-no’s.”
LEN GOODMAN, TO VIVICA A. FOX, ON DANCING WITH THE STARS

”Okay, I have a plan: You say you have to go to the restroom, then just take the elevator up to the room. I’m gonna stab this guy in the neck with a fork and join you in a few minutes.”
MICHAEL (JERE BURNS), TO DARLENE (DARLENE HUNT), ON HELP ME HELP YOU

”Poor, unemployed thing. Just couldn’t bear missing another episode of Tyra.”
MARC (MICHAEL URIE), EXPLAINING HOW EASILY GINA (EVA GAUDET) SUCCUMBED TO HIS BRIBE OF A FLAT-SCREEN TV, ON UGLY BETTY

”He makes me feel like a bad person because he grew up obviously like having an even more privileged life than I did, and he doesn’t judge people, and I do, and I don’t know why.”
ERICA, REDUCED TO TEARS AFTER LORENZO REFUSES TO TALK TRASH ABOUT NON-COLLEGE-GRADUATE JAMI, ON THE BACHELOR

”Earlier today, Bob Woodward’s new book came out, and it claims the Bush administration has bungled the war in Iraq. When reached for comment, President Bush said, ‘Just one more reason to hate books.’ ”
CONAN O’BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT