”Desperate Housewives”: A little baggage-handling
Things we learned tonight: The teens of Wisteria Lane can bring a lot of color to otherwise terribly drab episodes.
Things we learned but didn’t really care to know: Susan has slept with 11 men in her lifetime. Wait, make that 12, now that Ian has won her over.
The ladies each went on a journey tonight: Susan to the mountains with Ian; Bree to find homeless Andrew, after she saw him on the news; Gabrielle to a spa, where she bedded landscaper John one last time; and Lynette (with loony Nora) to save a helpless Tom on a camping trip with the kids.
Speaking of journeys, Nora needs to take one to a psych ward — or even to an island, because I think all of us are ready to vote her off the show. Just when you think you have her pegged as a total lunatic (directing Lynette’s car into oncoming traffic), she switches personalities (her heart-to-heart in the car with Lynette about Tom’s career gave us a glimpse into what she would act like on Prozac).
Overall, the Lynette-Nora-Tom plot was pointless tonight. Just like Susan and Ian’s magical mountain getaway. It was painful watching them subtly flirt with each other. Why was Susan so awkward when she found the condoms in Ian’s suitcase? She didn’t think he only brought her to his cabin so they could go bird watching, did she? After a long, drawn-out tiff between the budding couple over how many people they each had had sex with, they finally slept together. Hallelujah.
Raise your hands if you were excited to see Jesse Metcalfe! I know I certainly was, but I was a little confused as to how John got so ”mature” so fast. Wasn’t he just 18 or 19 the last time we saw him? Don’t people go to college anymore? I am glad, though, that Gabrielle ran into him after being depressed that her spa vacation was starting to look like ”Noah’s Ark” due to the abundance of twosomes around her. Much to Gaby’s dismay, turns out the new and improved John is engaged (a piece of info he didn’t tell her until after they’d shagged). Their liaison led to the episode’s funniest moment: When John’s fiancé decided to make a surprise visit to see him, Gabrielle hid in a suitcase, unzipping it later in an elevator and telling the horrified couple watching her, ”Don’t laugh — I saved a bundle on airfare.” A classic Gaby one-liner!
Meanwhile on Wisteria Lane, Julie was busy igniting sparks (pun intended) with Edie’s hot nephew Austin, who came over to help her fix a circuit breaker. Edie tried to warn her that bad boys are poison for good girls like her, but you could tell by the way that Julie blushed that something’s gonna happen there. Is it sad that I find Julie’s scenes with Austin to be more exiting than any having to do with her mother’s love life?
Bree’s kids are back in the picture — finally. I think it’s a shame we only saw Danielle at the beginning of the episode because she had one of the funniest lines: ”This really blows — I am thisclose to becoming homecoming queen, and now I’m going to be known as that creepy girl whose brother is a pathetic street junkie.”
I’m not surprised that Andrew didn’t want to have anything to do with Bree when she found him at a homeless shelter. I am surprised, though, at how human and concerned Orson got over seeing his wife so distraught over the ordeal. For a second there, I almost forgot he was a murderer. Then he quickly reminded us again of his sketchy past when he took Andrew to lunch and told him that he ”knows about rage and how it eats you up.” Somehow, Orson convinced Andrew to come back, and I can’t wait to see how that household is going to pan out.
Looks like we’re going to be seeing some more of Edie now, since she was the only one present when Mike came out of his coma (okay, it was a little contrived when he opened his eyes, but I still gasped aloud). Wonder if she’ll ever tell him she checked out his privates before he came to? I’m guessing Susan will not be a happy camper when she finds out that Edie, of all people, was there when he awoke.
So you guys tell me: Is Nora ever going to go away? Will Susan channel Meredith Grey and force the two guys to date her so she can pick one? Will Edie try to see more of Mike’s privates? And finally, will Andrew make his stay in the Van De Camp/Hodge household a permanent one?