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Paris vs. Shanna: The smackdown transcript!

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152010__shannaparis_l

152010__shannaparis_lSo by now, you’ve heard Paris Hilton (pictured, right) and Shanna Moakler (left) had some sort of altercation at Hollywood’s Hyde Lounge on Wednesday morning. Moakler claims Hilton’s ex, Stavros Niarchos, knocked her down some steps and dumped his cocktail on her noggin, while Hilton says Moakler clocked her in her overexposed mug. Regardless of who’s got the truth on their side, though, the one thing that’s certain is that PopWatch’s transcript of the event is 100% fabricated, and it goes a little somethin’ like this…

Shanna: Oh, hello, Parasite!
Paris: Hello, one-time pageant queen!
Shanna: I hear you’ve been hooking up with my castoffs again.
Paris: I hear you couldn’t outlast Jerry Springer on Dancing With the Stars.
Shanna: I hear it only took Clay Aiken a week to surpass your two-month album sales.
Paris: Oh, funny. I heard your face was the crime scene when you guest-starred on CSI.
Shanna: Well I heard you put the ‘wack’ in House of Wax.
Paris: Hey, remember when you made Martin Lawrence look skinny in Big Momma’s House 2?
Shanna: Remember your mother’s awful NBC reality series?
Paris: Remember when you named your daughter after the state of Alabama?
Shanna: Skank, you’re named after a city!
Paris: Oh. Well, remember when you only won the Miss USA crown because the real one got to be Miss Universe?
Shanna: Remember when Sarah Silverman called you fat at the MTV Movie Awards?
Paris: Well at least I’m a big enough name to be a punchline!
Shanna: More like a big enough tramp!
Paris: More like you’ve got a big fat ass!
Shanna: More like you dated Aaron Carter!
Paris: Excuse me? Did not!
Shanna: Did too! I saw it on The Superficial!
Paris: You did?
Shanna: Um, yeah!
Paris: Oh. Ummmm. Can I have the link?
Shanna: God you’re sick. It’s http://thesuperficial.com/2006/10/nick_carter_and_aaron_carter_h.html.
Paris: That’s hot. Wanna be my new BFF? I’m wicked tired of Brandon Davis.

addCredit(“Shanna Moakler and Paris Hilton: Jill Ann Spaulding/FilmMagic.com”)