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Tom vs. Brad: The imaginary smackdown!

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95825__tom_brad_lThough we’re not convinced by the word on the street that Paramount plans to send Tom Cruise’s Mission: Impossible character, Ethan Hunt, out to pasture and replace him with a new superagent played by Brad Pitt, it sure is fun to think about! We found ourselves imagining a schoolyard tiff between the two buff action stars. And it goes a little somethin’ like this…

Tom: You? The next Mission: Impossible star? Seriously?
Brad: You got a problem with that?
Tom: No, except you got beat up by a girl in your last movie.
Brad: So? You got smacked down by Matt Lauer on The Today Show!
Tom: You broke up with America’s sitcom sweetheart!
Brad: Well, you looked ridonk on Oprah’s couch!
Tom: Remember your bad blond dye job?
Brad: Remember how Nicole Kidman towered over you on the red carpet?
Tom: Remember when you wore a skirt in Troy?
Brad: Oh yeah? Remember when your baby mama was on Dawson’s Creek?
Tom: Well, it’s better than having your baby mama star in Taking Lives!
Brad: At least my baby mama has an Oscar!
Tom: She does?
Brad: Yeah. For Girl, Interrupted.
Tom: Whoa. Totally forgot about that.
Brad: Yep. It’s on our mantel.
Tom: Fair enough.

Brad: Anyhow, I’ve got an Oscar nomination.
Tom: Well, I’ve got three!
Brad: You named your kid Suri!
Tom: Um, hello, you named your kid Shiloh!
Brad: Okay, one word for you: Cocktail!
Tom: Oh yeah? Three words: Meet Joe Black!
Brad: You want to go there? The guy who made Legend?
Tom: Okay, Mr. Kalifornia! Spell much?
Brad: Oh, that’s rich, considering what you did to Interview With a Vampire. Read much?
Tom: Wait, dude, you were in that with me. Remember?
Brad: Oh, yeah. So I was!
Tom: Good times, man. Good times.
Brad: Totally.
Tom: Dude, how ’bout a truce?
Brad: Okay, dude, truce.
Tom: Wanna grab a beer at the Scientology Center?
Brad: Sorry, maybe another time. I gotta have dinner ready for Angelina by the time she gets home or she’ll kick my ass.