Were we ready for some football? Yes! And are we now sick of it already? Let’s put it this way: Does Hank Williams, Jr, have hat hair?
The season officially started Thursday night, then exploded yesterday with the return of a thousand drunk dudes to bars nationwide. Things reached critical mass with the debut of last night’s Costas-o-rama “Sunday Night Football/Football Night in America” on NBC featuring an introductory song from Pink (ripping off “I Hate Myself For Loving You,” which could sum up my feelings on Pink almost perfectly), as well the first inaugural Manning Bowl (Peyton vs. Eli in a battle to see who could make Mom and Dad pass out in the press box from anxiety first).
But tonight — TONIGHT — we beat this dead horse into the ground with the regular season debut of Monday Night Football. Now on ESPN (pronounced “Espin,” thanks), MNF kicks off its fresh new face with not one but TWO games, Vikings-Redskins and Chargers-Raiders. I care not about either “battle”. Here are the things I do care about, in descending order:
1. Tony Kornheiser’s continued attempts to seem at home doing color commentary. (Be sure to read tomorrow’s Washington Post to see the poor guy inevitably get slammed by his own newspaper.
2. Hank’s new version of the “Are You Ready for Some Football?” song, now featuring Clarence Clemons, Bootsy Collins, and Charlie Daniels, possibly the only musicians who less people care about than Hank Williams, Jr.
3. How will the move to basic cable affect the ratings of this Nielsen perennial favorite?
4. What time will the snacks run out, and will that happen before or after we fall asleep? (Honestly: two football games in one night? There is no way that’s a good idea.)