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How we'd cast an American ''Footballers Wive$''

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ABC recently announced that it’s developing an American version of the bitchy British soccer soap. Here’s how we’d cast the first season. (No need to thank us.)

DONALD FAISON (Ian)
Scrubs player has proven ability to keep a straight face while spouting ridiculous and hilarious dialogue.

JANE KRAKOWSKI (Donna)
That is, after the network rejects and publicly humiliates our first choice, Rachel Dratch.

NICK LACHEY (Jason)
Has marriage to tempestuous blonde under his belt. Has ample pectoral muscles above his belt.

HEATHER LOCKLEAR (Tonya)
Wanted: actress who gives good bitch and uses female anatomy as a weapon. Both compliments, seriously.

JUSTIN HARTLEY (Kyle)
The would-be Aquaman’s water skills will be handy when Chardonnay’s boobs catch on fire in episode 2.

TIFFANI THIESSEN (Chardonnay)
We won’t stop until T.T. is cast in something. (See Pam in Dallas movie, issue #869.)

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