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Scott Brown's Hit List for the week of June 23, 2006

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1 Chinese government bans The Da Vinci Code Citing poor word of mouth…

2 …but approves M:I-3 ”He is a national hero,” read the official telex. ”He has stomped on the couch of the imperialist.”

3 ”World’s worst director” Uwe Boll challenges critics to boxing match If Boll boxes like he auteurs, I’ve got a sawbuck riding on Ebert.

4 24 to become a movie Each ticket will be sold with an overnight bag and a catheter.

5 John O’Hurley expecting a baby A first-look photo bidding war has erupted between OCaptainMyPeterman.com and DancinWiththeAwesome.net. Prices as high as $17 have been floated.

6 LED {Fan mounts one-man movement to save Whitney Houston}] After years in captivity, however, it’s unclear how she’ll fare in the wild.

7 In born-again memoir, Stephen Baldwin tells all ”With Jesus’ help,” he writes, ”I am now available on short notice for birthdays and weddings.”

8 Jolie and Pitt have no plans to wed But just to be safe, they’re reserving Zambia for the rehearsal dinner.

9 Kiss to open a Myrtle Beach coffee shop Ordering the ladyfingers is probably a mistake.

10 Spielberg says he wants to make smaller movies He’s got this great YouTube video of him and George Lucas lip-synching ”The River of Dreams” in their underwear.