June 07, 2006 at 04:00 AM EDT

”They got the name 300 by measuring how gay it was on a scale from 1 to 10.”
HOST SARAH SILVERMAN, ON THE MTV MOVIE AWARDS

”I’m not sure what that is. I mean, it’s a bit of krumping and a bit of tapping. Is it called crapping?”
JUDGE NIGEL LYTHGOE, AFTER AN ENERGETIC AUDITION BY ISAURO GOMEZ, ON SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

”Sir, do you mind just wiping the snot off your f—ing face before we serve chicken and snot?”
GORDON RAMSAY, IMPOSING THOSE FAMOUSLY UNREASONABLE CULINARY STANDARDS ON A CONTESTANT, ON HELL’S KITCHEN

”I’m an artist, so I understand freedom of expression.”
ELISABETH HASSELBECK, DISCUSSING THE FCC, ON THE VIEW

”The hot-dog-eating crown rightfully belongs to America, because America invented the hot dog when a family of raccoons got lost in a toothpaste factory.”
STEPHEN COLBERT, ON THE COLBERT REPORT

”So I’m continuing my pre-Carnegie Hall publicity tour, and I?m off to do The View, which is a pure joy because Star Jones is gone and she was a huge pain in the a–.”
KATHY GRIFFIN, ON MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST

”Angelina Jolie celebrated her 33rd birthday….She adopted a cake.”
DAVID LETTERMAN, ON THE LATE SHOW

”The piano used by John Lennon the night he was shot went on sale this week. The current owner says it’s a great conversation piece, for people who like all their conversations to end with ‘Gee, thanks for bumming me out.’…The piano was sold for almost $400,000. Ringo’s drumsticks? Still three for a dollar.”
DAVID SPADE, ON THE SHOWBIZ SHOW

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