May 12, 2006 at 04:00 AM EDT

Kathy Griffin doesn’t scare easily. The comedian isn’t afraid to take potshots at the likes of Oprah and Spielberg, and she’s equally fearless in skewering her own star status — or rather, lack thereof — on My Life on the D-List (Griffin’s series starts its second season on Bravo in June). After discussing her devotion to Clay Aiken (”The Claymates hate me because they don’t understand that I make fun of Clay, but I also love him”) and the evils of webcams (”To me, a webcam is synonymous with an arsenal of explosives and uranium”), the 44-year-old redhead faced EW’s frighteningly prying personality test.

1. In high school I was:
A drama nerd in love with the gay guy in the play — but not understanding why he didn’t want to make out with me.

2. My American Idol audition song would be:
A) ”I’m Every Woman”
B) ”Friends in Low Places”
C) ”On the Wings of Love”
D) ”Wanted Dead or Alive”
E Other (please specify): ”Straight Up, ” and I would sing it right to Paula Abdul.

3. Choose one:
A) Simon

B) Garfunkel

C) Window

D) Aisle

4. Do you have any tattoos? Piercings?
My wedding ring is a tattoo. It’s a picture of a diamond.

5. The Dynasty diva I most identify with is: A) Krystle

B) Alexis I also wear a lot of makeup and am tragically misunderstood.

C) Dominique

D) Sammy Jo

6. The person I’m mistaken for most often:
Either Vicki Lewis from NewsRadio or Kathie Lee Gifford. A lot of people call me Kathie Lee Griffin.

7. If my life were a drinking game, everyone would do a shot when…
Teri Hatcher cries, because she cries all the time.

8. After I’ve had a long day, I like to kick back with:
A) A dry martini

B) A glass of pinot noir

C) A cold beer

D) Chamomile tea

Other: I’ve never had a drink in my life. I’m a big Diet Coke with Lemon person.

9. What’s in my glove compartment:
Lots and lots of napkins and Kleenex. I have an irrational fear of having to blow my nose.

10. The last thing I bought on eBay:
I have never in my life purchased anything from eBay. I count with an abacus and my phone numbers are in a Rolodex.

11. If I had to gain 30 pounds for a role, I would eat:
Cake Soup. It’s a thing I invented. Put a pint of Haagen-Dazs vanilla ice cream and two pieces of warm chocolate cake in a mixer. It’s disgusting.

12. My porn name is:
Cleo + Home = Cleo Home

(Childhood Pet Street You Grew Up On)

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