There are only five beautiful women. Standing before Tyra. Still left in the running. Toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. And after last night’s riveting, hilarious episode (the first of this season’s shot-on-location-in-Thailand), I feel comfortable setting the odds on victory for the remaining contenders:
Danielle (pictured, at right): Wouldn’t it be great to finally have a winner who’s beautiful, kind-hearted, and capable of describing the experience of hanging upside down in a fish net thusly? ”My uterus is probably flat as a pancake right now.” Genius! (She also introduced this oldster to the adjective ”jank.”) Last week, when Danielle refused to close the gap in her teeth, I thought my dream of her victory was just that, but last night’s partial-closure compromise, incredible mermaid shot, and lopsided win in the ”sell yourself” challenge (loved that wink after Danielle noted her long legs were catwalk-ready), I’m almost allowing myself to plan out her My Life as a Cover Girl campaign. (Odds: 2-1)
Joanie: On the other hand, I don’t think Tyra & Co. could go wrong with the one contestant who actually seemed worried about respecting the traditions of the country she was visiting, and took a photo that was thisclose to angelic while ready to heave a mug full of coffee into a fetid body of water. (Odds: 3-1)
Furonda: I’m not quite sure what was so horrible about Furonda’s disco dress last night, but I guess the judges needed to put someone in the bottom two with this year’s crash-and-burn contestant Nnenna. Furonda’s not my cup of tea, but she’s a hard worker, she’s kinda saucy, and she takes a decent picture. Now if someone would help the girl out with that unfortunate weave. (Odds: 6-1)
Sara (pictured, at left): Quick! Other than being tall, and maybe having the ability to pass as Scarlett Johansson’s stunt double, can you name anything else about… what’s her name again? oh yeah, Sara. Aside from her stiff, expressionless mermaid photo this week, that is. Then again, being dull and not taking the best photos didn’t stop Nicole from winning Cycle 5. (Odds: 12-1)
Jade: There’s no way she’s ever going to win this thing. For starters, can you imagine Cover Girl signing off on a campaign starring a woman whom all the judges have described as looking like a drag queen? Not only that, I suspect her spot-on mockery of Tyra’s ”you’re still in the running” shtick this week was pretty much a deal-breaker. (Odds: 100-1)
Okay, so you’ve got my odds. Now who do you think has the best chance of winning it all?
addCredit(“America’s Next Top Model: Pongjak Tangizwaja/UPN”)