Michael Endelman
January 13, 2006 AT 05:00 AM EST

David Lee Roth

Where to start? The technical difficulties — like dropping phone calls — can be forgiven, but what really rankles is that the winking metal icon of ”Hot for Teacher” has become a scolding libertarian ideologue. And he’s boring. Roth spent more than an hour of his first outing interviewing his aging Uncle Manny. (Seriously.) This seems destined to be yet another embarrassing footnote to Roth’s career. D

Adam Carolla

For a guy who always seems a bit uncomfortable on TV, Carolla turns out to be a pro behind a microphone. His ultra-smooth first week featured testosterone-fueled riffing on Hollywood gossip and sports with veteran stand-ups like Kathy Griffin, who explained Nicole Richie’s sudden weight loss simply: ”It’s Pilates and vomiting.” Lines like that can make even the nastiest commute go swiftly. B

Howard Stern

Beginning with a giant fart, Stern’s first day on Sirius was raucous, filthy, and often hilarious. After introducing Star Trek‘s newly out George Takei as his announcer, the show dug deep into depravity, featuring an awesome mash-up of Led Zeppelin’s ”Black Dog” with Pat O’Brien’s phone-sex tape, and an explicit description of Takei’s first sexual encounter — none of which we can recount in this family-friendly magazine. A-

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