January 13, 2006 at 08:04 PM EST

Last night’s edition of Dancing With the Stars brought out the Whitney Houston in me. In other words, I spent 90 minutes sitting blazing-eyed in front of the television shouting ”Hell to the no!” Among the reality TV crimes committed:

Judicial Impropriety: In a move that added confusion to DWTS‘ already wonky points system, judge Carrie Ann Inaba was allowed to change her score for Tia Carrere from 8 to 7, claiming she had accidentally held up the wrong paddle. So how come she also said the word ”eight” as she doled out her original grade, hmmm?

Felony Robbery: How the heck did Lisa Rinna (left, with partner Louis van Amstel) wind up in the judges’ bottom three? I mean, she may not have been as flawless as wrestling star Stacy Keibler or journalist Giselle Fernandez, but at least the massive-lipped soap star got out on the floor and shook what her mama gave her, unlike a couple of higher-rated rivals (Carrere, George Hamilton) who did little more than stroll the stage and strike some poses. Last time I checked, vogueing wasn’t a ballroom dance.

Reckless Impersonation: Is it just me, or does van Amstel look like a cheesier version of his dance partner Rinna’s hubby, Harry Hamlin? Dude did offer the unintentional comedy highlight of the night, though, when he explained: ”Doing that [pole-dancing] class as a man made me realize and respect the feelings of any woman.” Yes, because as we know, every woman is really a stripper on the inside.

Petty Larceny: Apparently, half the judging panel’s paddles were stolen, as none of them were able to find scores lower than five for abysmally disinterested Master P.

Did you catch any other bad acts on last night’s episode? And who do you think should get the boot on tonight’s results show?

addCredit(“Dancing with the Stars: Adam Larkey”)

You May Like