Michael Slezak
December 23, 2005 AT 10:29 PM EST

Twas the Friday before Christmas, and all through PopWatch
Folks were reading about the great cast of Lost
Drinking the egg nog till we wanted to vomit
Setting our TiVos for Wallace & Gromit
(It’s on BBC America tonight at 10:30 pm; don’t ask me to rhyme it, yo!)

We ordered some Thai food, turned off our TVs
Then played the cool Hanukkah disc by the Leevees
I donned my Aldos, Gary donned his cap
But our crabby old editor refused to let us nap

When out on the skyline there arose such a clatter,
I paused Sarah Silverman to see what was the matter.
I looked out the window, popped open a Fanta
Then muttered to myself, “Holy crap! It’s Santa!”

The old dude was dancing on a window-washer’s perch
Then he winked and he nodded and he started to lurch
Was he mad? Was he drunk? Was he just feeling sleepy?
I can’t blame these kids, who all find him creepy

He knocked on my pane, on the 29th floor
What’s that he’s mouthing? ”Yule get yours”?
Seeing him out there made me feel a tad dizzy
So I whistled, and shouted, cried, “Get in the hizzy!”

But Santa was stubborn, and refused to come in
Said he had plans, with Donner and Blitzen
But before they headed out, to the North Pole toy mill
He and his reindeer, had some hours to kill

“What should we do? You got a suggestion?
The last movie I saw starred Charlton Heston!”
I quickly perused EW.com
Came up with a list that was 10 miles long

“Try Munich! Or Brokeback! Or even King Kong!
But don’t see The Libertine; Owen says it’s dead wrong.”
“What about Heath, starring in Casanova?”
“Dude, not on the birthday of old Izzo Hova!”

Realizing St. Nick was lost in the fog,
I ripped two more tips right out of my blog:
“For DVDs, Fear Chamber gets an A,
And if it’s music you seek, check out Mary J!”

Santa laughed and he quivered, like a bowlful of jelly!
Said, “Catch me on TV, with Regis and Kelly!”
He squeegeed my window, then dropped out of sight
Shouting ”Happy holidays, dude! PopWatch is aiight!”

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