December 23, 2005 at 05:00 AM EST

Lohan’s Bickering Folks Split JAN. 18
When Lindsay Lohan’s mom files for divorce from her law-challenged dad, it begins a tumultuous year of loss. First, she loses a shocking amount of weight. Then, in May, Lindsay loses control of her car after being hit by paparazzi. In June, it’s more car trouble when Herbie: Fully Loaded putters out. Finally, in October, her publicist blames photographers after Lohan loses control of another car, but the police clear them of liability. And losing the moral high ground to the paparazzi is the greatest loss of all.

A Fanningathon Starts JAN. 28
Hide and Seek opens to $22 million, kicking off a big year (War of the Worlds, Dreamer) for Dakota Fanning, now 11. Wilmer Valderrama notes on his 2012 calendar to give her a call.

J. Lo & Co. Make Music on the Grammys FEB. 13
Jennifer Lopez and new hubby Marc Anthony duet for the first time ever on the Grammys… and it’s the lowest-rated Grammys in 10 years. Three days later, she cancels her European tour due to illness; in April, she’s protested by PETA at her own Monster-in-Law premiere; and in September, An Unfinished Life makes only $6.7 million. But even with all that fresh disaster meat, we’ll still pick at a two-year-old Gigli punchline carcass every time.

Hilton’s Phone Hacked FEB. 20
Hackers break into Paris Hilton’s cell phone, posting on the Net the numbers of such celebs as Pat O’Brien, Victoria Gotti, Ashley Olsen, Fred Durst, and Vin Diesel. It proves two things: Today’s technology isn’t as secure as we think, and, judging from her contact list, Hilton was planning the worst party ever.

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