Michael Slezak
August 23, 2005 AT 07:37 PM EDT

I’m in the ”bargaining” phase of my Six Feet Under mourning period, which means I’ve decided that if I can’t have any more new episodes of HBO’s addictive funeral home series, then the entire cast must be dispersed to existing series immediately. Here’s where I’d put ’em all:

-Frances Conroy (Ruth Fisher) as a steely police detective on Law & Order (tell me she wouldn’t be more interesting than Dennis Farina)

-Lauren Ambrose (Claire Fisher) as Rory’s slacker new boss on Gilmore Girls

-Peter Krause (Nate Fisher) as a vaguely unhinged love interest for Portia de Rossi on Arrested Development; after all, Krause says he’s aching to do something lighter.

-Rachel Griffiths (Brenda Chenowith) as a surly efficiency expert brought in to slash costs in the offices of Without a Trace

-Freddy Rodriguez (Federico Diaz) as an irritating middle manager on The Office

-Justina Machado (Vanessa Diaz) as Gabrielle’s scheming little sister on Desperate Housewives

-Michael C. Hall (David Fisher) as a cantankerous new neighbor of Reba‘s

-Mathew St. Patrick (Keith Charles) as an investigator who butts heads with Horatio on CSI: Miami — that is if St. Patrick’s new series, Reunion, doesn’t catch on in the ratings

-James Cromwell (George Sibley) as a mysterious science teacher on Veronica Mars

And, yes, though I know she’s only a recurring player on Six Feet Under, I’d still send the delightful Joanna Cassidy (Margaret Chenowith) directly to The O.C. A good soap can’t have too many alpha bitches, and frankly, Brenda’s mom would leave that Julie Cooper tart shaking in her Manolos.

How would you distribute Six Feet‘s MVPs in the primetime draft? Make like a network exec and post your wish list now.

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