Dalton Ross’s Hit List for the week of August 19, 2005
1. KATE HUDSON SAYS MONOGAMY ISN’T ”REALISTIC” BUT COUPLES ”HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE IT HAPPEN” And this is coming from a famous actress married to a rock star. If anyone should not have that power, it’s them.
2. PHOTOGRAPHER TRYING TO TAKE PICTURES OF BRITNEY SPEARS IS SHOT WITH A BB GUN I’m not saying Britney did it, but if so, better she be shooting a BB gun than any more home movies that might pop up on UPN. Those are far more painful.
3. SATANIC YUPPIES ON DVD Oxymoron or double negative? You make the call.
4. SNOOP DOGG AND LEE IACOCCA IN CAR ADS TOGETHER Interesting. Although I’m not so sure Snoop himself could pass emissions standards with all the smoke he’s been known to release.
5. BILL CLINTON SAYS HE WAS ”THE FAT BAND BOY” GROWING UP But I thought he played sax. Doesn’t the fat kid always get stuck behind a tuba? Get me an independent counsel, pronto!
6. EDDIE MURPHY’S WIFE FILES FOR DIVORCE There’s nothing funny about divorce. Come to think of it, there’s nothing funny about The Adventures of Pluto Nash either. Or The Haunted Mansion. Or Daddy Day Care. Or. . .need I go on?
7. ROBERT NOVAK WALKS OFF SET See, prayers can be answered.
8. DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO OPENS I recently wrote a story for this magazine on the worst movie ever made. It seems that article may soon be considered obsolete.
9. PAULA ABDUL WILL NOT APPEAR AS GUEST CHOREOGRAPHER ON SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Apparently, it conflicted with her American Idol commitments. As well as all the time needed to stick pins into her Corey Clark voodoo doll.
10. EDDIE MURPHY’S WIFE FILES FOR DIVORCE Sorry, I know I already listed this, but I forgot about Holy Man.