Thanks to the recent announcement of a big-screen CGI Smurfs and a computer-animated remake of the formerly latex Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (but. . .but we already know the secret of the ooze), we’ve been thinking. If they must make retro cartoons into movies, we’d at least like a say in it. A quick scan through our emotional memory banks pulled up a bazillion possibilities, but we were shocked to find, for example, that there already was a DuckTales movie (and, even worse, we might have gone to see it). Still, we managed to come up with four kiddie favorites that haven’t yet made it to the big screen. Here’s the best of what’s left at the rummage sale of our childhoods.
THUNDERCATS With Voltron, Transformers, and He-Man already in the pipeline, this is the last of the big four ’80s sci-fi actioners, a classic battle of good versus evil for the fate of Third Earth. WOULD IT WORK? Who doesn’t love cosmic ninja kitties? Ho!
GUMMI BEARS The bears spend their days bouncing here and there and everywhere, hopped-up on Gummiberry juice. WOULD IT WORK? It’s high adventure that’s beyond compare, people! Plus, imagine the Red Bull cross-marketing bonanza.
SNORKS Basically the Smurfs underwater, except with more singing. Virtually intolerable. WOULD IT WORK? Will the Smurfs work? (Hint: No.)
KIDD VIDEO Obscure but brilliant live-action/music-video/cartoon hybrid about a teen band that gets sucked into an alternate dimension by the evil Master Blaster, who hovers over the land in a giant jukebox. WOULD IT WORK? Think Being John Malkovich meets TRL. Actually, back off. We thought of it first.