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Too Brief a Treat

TV's funniest quotes for the week of Apr 1 2005

TV’s funniest quotes for the week of Apr 1 2005 — We pick our favorite quips from talk shows and sitcoms

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”Ashton Kutcher is denying reports that his girlfriend, Demi Moore, is pregnant. The confusion was caused when someone said Moore was with child. Turns out, she was just with him.”
JIMMY KIMMEL ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

”Ellen, you should be ashamed of yourself — and not just because you’re dressed like an audience member from The Price Is Right.”
KAREN (MEGAN MULLALLY), TO GRACE’S FRIEND ELLEN (LEIGH-ALLYN BAKER), ON WILL & GRACE

”This girl should be on a pirate flag!”
JANICE DICKINSON, DISSING THE SOON-TO-BE-BOOTED CONTESTANT SARAH, ON AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL

”I lost 25 pounds in about 18 days in an Iraqi prison. And not to say that the food in the Iraqi prison was worse, but I didn’t have to eat four pounds of it.”
FORMER P.O.W. RON, ON HAVING TO EAT COW INTESTINES, SALIVA GLANDS, AN UDDER, AND A KIDNEY, ON THE AMAZING RACE