Dalton Ross’s Hit List for the week of April 1, 2005
1 SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR DROPS AGENT AFTER HE SAYS SHE WAS ”NOTHING AT ALL” BEFORE THE GRUDGE What’s wrong with that guy? When it comes to costarring with animated canines, her track record is as solid as they come.
2 STUDY SHOWS LOW-SUGAR VERSIONS OF KIDS’ BREAKFAST CEREALS ARE NO HEALTHIER THAN ORIGINALS So, it’s okay to be cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, then? ”Cuckoo for Smart Start” just doesn’t have the same ring — or taste.
3 MURDER, SHE WROTE ON DVD Should keep my mom busy for 19 hours or so. A gift for both of us, really.
4 THOMAS HADEN CHURCH CAST AS SPIDER-MAN 3 VILLAIN You know what this means, right? Ten more years of Wings reruns. Maybe even a little Ned and Stacey to boot.
5 DEMI MOORE MIGHT BE PREGNANT And Ashton Kutcher might soon be a father. And you might be sick of this story by now.
6 BOY GEORGE CALLS ROSIE O’DONNELL A ”POTTERY BARN LESBIAN” What does that even mean? And why should lesbians be denied stylish home furnishings at a reasonable cost?
7 MARCH MADNESS Pssst, an inside source says Kansas is a lock.
8 SYLVESTER STALLONE TO INDUCT HULK HOGAN INTO WWE HALL OF FAME Personally, I’m more interested if fellow inductee Rowdy Roddy Piper has those bitchin’ sunglasses that allow him to see aliens. And if he’s still fighting that dude in the alley who refuses to try them on.
9 MARIO VAZQUEZ HIRES LAWYER Any way this lawyer can stop Mikalah from ever performing again? It’s worth exploring.
10 IN A POLL, PARIS HILTON NAMED CELEB LEAST LIKELY TO FILL THE OFFICE CANDY DISH Yeah, but think about it: Do you really want Paris Hilton’s hands in your candy dish? (And no, I’m not making a double entendre. At least I don’t think I am.)