THE PACIFIER: Kerry Hayes
Owen Gleiberman
March 09, 2005 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Pacifier

type
Movie
Current Status
In Season
mpaa
PG
runtime
94 minutes
Wide Release Date
03/04/05
performer
Vin Diesel, Chris Potter, Faith Ford, Brad Garrett, Lauren Graham, Brittany Snow
director
Adam Shankman
distributor
Walt Disney Pictures
author
Robert Ben Garant, Thomas Lennon
genre
Comedy, ActionAdventure, Kids and Family

We gave it an D+

Blame it on Clint and that orangutan. In the ’70s, he was probably the first slab of macho to domesticate his image by teaming with a costar worthy of a Dean Jones kiddie comedy. From there, it wasn’t such a big leap to Arnold and Kindergarten Cop and now, God help us, The Pacifier, a yawn-by-numbers romper-room dud that is nevertheless shrewd enough to tweak its star, Vin Diesel, for becoming a joke in less time than it took him to become an action hero.

Playing babysitter to a family of brats (he’s a Navy SEAL, in case you were wondering; they’re an assassinated scientist’s children, whom he’s been assigned to protect), Diesel, who looks like Uncle Fester’s frat-house-hooligan son, doesn’t interact with anyone. He just barks orders in that muscle-lipped monotone. You haven’t experienced a disgruntled lunk’s bad timing until you’ve seen a slice of baloney drop onto Vin, who, after a pause of about three hours, croaks out the line ”This is my favorite shirt!” The Pacifier appears to have been a good career move, but even Diesel may live to regret it when he discovers what flubber awaits him.

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