Entertainment Weekly

Stay Connected

Subscribe

Advertise With Us

Learn More

Skip to content
Oscars 2017
Everything you need to knowDon't Miss It

Article

Alone in the Dark

Posted on

Christian Slater, Alone in the Dark
Alone In The Dark: Chris Helcermanas-Benge

Alone in the Dark

type:
Movie
Current Status:
In Season
mpaa:
R
runtime:
96 minutes
Wide Release Date:
01/28/05
performer:
Tara Reid, Christian Slater, Stephen Dorff
director:
Uwe Boll
distributor:
Lions Gate Films
genre:
ActionAdventure, Horror

We gave it an F

When the giant, intelligent bees of the future sift through the ashes of our civilization, they will find Alone in the Dark, and they will understand. It’s so bad it’s postmodern. It’s about monsters that live in the dark and cause lights to flicker, making them roughly as terrifying as the Clapper. Oh, did I mention the zombies? On a related note, Alone stars Christian Slater, Tara Reid, and Stephen Dorff, all of whom do an excellent job maintaining consciousness — okay, except for Reid, who evokes the slower moments of Awakenings. This film-like mass was directed by Uwe Boll (House of the Dead), for whom elocution is not a priority. (One character seems to say, ”The knishes must be perfect! Otherwise there could be…consequences.”) Far be it from me to dismiss a man’s effort in a sentence, but the film on your teeth after a three-day drunk possesses more cinematic value.

Comments