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TV's funniest quotes for the week of January 14

TV’s funniest quotes for the week of January 14

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”Mike Tyson this week completed 100 hours of community service coaching kids at a Brooklyn gym. ‘I’m so glad the 100 hours is up and now I can relax and get on with my life,’ said one of the kids.”
AMY POEHLER ON SNL

”The New York Yankees [may sign] Randy Johnson for $48 million. Johnson is described as a cranky loner. And I believe that’s the most money anybody ever paid for a cranky loner since CBS hired me.”
DAVID LETTERMAN ON THE LATE SHOW

”For me this chair is not just a piece of furniture . . . it represents something. This is the American dream and I’m honored to put my ass on it.”
CRAIG FERGUSON ON THE LATE LATE SHOW

”Snoop Dogg announced he’s suing a woman for trying to extort money from him. If convicted, the woman could go to jail for embizzle-ment.”
CONAN O’BRIEN ON LATE NIGHT

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