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EW classifies the latest rock species: wolves

EW classifies the latest rock species: wolves — Here’s a breakdown on wolf-monikered bands such as Los Lobos and Wolfmother

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To dance with wolves used to be enough. Now you must rock out with them. Joining veteran canis lupus acts like Los Lobos are pups like Wolf Eyes. Below, EW’s in-house zoologists break down the characteristics of several specimens.

LOS LOBOS [that’s ”wolves” en español, okay, niños?], The Ride (Hollywood)

Breed
Canis Americana Tex-Mexicus

Habitat
Great Barrio Reef (a.k.a. East L.A.)

Favorite Prey
Men in bolo ties; people who really loved La Bamba

Mating Call
A soulful howl

GUITAR WOLF, Loverock (Narnack)

Breed
Canis punkrockulus atonalis

Habitat
Tokyo alleys and abandoned dojos

Favorite Prey
Neo-greasers; unsuspecting Harajuku girls

Mating Call
Long, sustained screeches, interrupted by the occasional yip

WOLFMOTHER, Wolfmother (Modular)

Breed
Canis Blacksabbath revivalus

Habitat
War Pig Wildlife Preserve in South Australia

Favorite Prey
Black-light poster aficionapos; unrepentant Led-heads

Mating Call
None necessary. Their powerful musk suffices.

WOLF EYES, Burned Mind (Sub Pop)

Breed
Canis glitchus nightmarica

Habitat
The condemned Detroit Badlands

Favorite Prey
Throbbing Gristle fans; the criminally insane

Mating Call
Frequency too high for the human ear to detect

WOLF, Evil Star (Prosthetic)

Breed
Canis Metalarama Iron-Maidicus

Habitat
The apex of all that is wicked and depraved (otherwise known as Sweden)

Favorite Prey
Angry adolescents with wispy mustaches; your creepy uncle who lives in his mom’s basement

Mating Call
A fierce howl that echoes till the cows come home — at which point, of course, they will be eaten