HARRISON FORD NAMED HOLLYWOOD’S SEXIEST GRANDPARENT BY GRAND MAGAZINE The list is of people who are ”healthy, hip, and having fun,” but when is the last time you saw Harrison Ford actually having fun? Homeboy hasn’t cracked a smile since he helped blow up the Death Star.
KENNY LOGGINS TO APPEAR AS AN AUDITION JUDGE ON AMERICAN IDOL See, I knew we were entering the danger zone once John Stevens showed up.
JACK BAUER HAS TO SAVE THE WORLD…AGAIN Yeah, well, too bad he couldn’t save me from sitting through Fat Albert.
COURT DENIES ANNA NICOLE $88.5 MILLION PAYDAY FROM DEAD HUBBY Wow, and we thought she lost a lot on the TrimSpa. But it’s not like she married an 89-year-old for his money or anything.
GOD, THE DEVIL AND BOB OUT ON DVD I blame the devil.
NEW REPORT DISCLOSES DIANA ROSS WAS ALLOWED TO USE CELL PHONE AND ORDER TAKE-OUT FOOD WHILE IN JAIL Meanwhile, another report disclosed that the majority of Americans find the presence of hookers in The Wiz to be a tad disturbing, but that’s neither here nor there.
KEN JENNINGS WILL RETURN FOR JEOPARDY! ”SUPER TOURNAMENT” Watch out, Ken — take home that $2 million prize and Anna Nicole is all over your ass.
MARTHA STEWART REPORTEDLY LOSES PRISON HOLIDAY-DECOR CONTEST Her paper cranes were beaten by a nativity scene, which tells us one thing — go with God! (Unless He’s, you know, hanging out with the devil and Bob.)
NFL PLAYOFFS BEGIN Okay, long-suffering Eagles fans — you can start holding your collective breath starting…now!
MICHAEL JACKSON’S EX TO AUCTION OFF WEDDING RING Sooooo, I guess the doggone girl isn’t yours after all.