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TV's funniest quotes for the week of Nov. 12, 2004

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”Tomorrow I’m scheduled for them to pour coffee in a part of my body that it doesn’t belong.” DOUG (KEVIN JAMES), DURING A SPA VISIT WITH HIS WIFE (LEAH REMINI), ON THE KING OF QUEENS

”In horror movies, the girl in her underwear always dies last. Shoot, I’m not wearing any.” FAITH (KELLY RIPA) TO HER SISTER, HOPE (FAITH FORD), WHILE THEY’RE TRAPPED IN A HAUNTED HOUSE, ON HOPE & FAITH

”This must be Christmas for you.” JON STEWART TO POLLSTER JOHN ZOGBY, ON THE DAILY SHOW

”According to a new Democratic poll, 50 percent of Vice President Cheney’s daughters are still gay.” AMY POEHLER ON SNL