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TV's funniest quotes for the week of Oct. 15, 2004

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”Michael, you have to seize this moment. The love between two nerds is a rare and fragile thing.” JOEY (MATT LEBLANC) TO HIS NEPHEW (PAULO COSTANZO), WHO WANTS TO ASK OUT A GIRL IN HIS BOOK CLUB, ON JOEY

”Well, it’s a cult, I tell ya. Just like the Moonies or the homosexuals or the elderly.” KAREN (MEGAN MULLALLY), ABOUT ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, ON WILL & GRACE

”It was reported today that there is a new Paris Hilton sex video. When asked about it, Hilton said, ‘I feel like the first one left a lot of unanswered questions.”’ CONAN O’BRIEN ON LATE NIGHT

”Teresa Heinz, you are a firecracker. I can think of 57 varieties of things I’d like to do with you. And I would do it with relish.” DARRELL HAMMOND AS BILL CLINTON ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE