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TV's funniest quotes for the week of Sept. 10, 2004

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”It was 20 years ago. And it is stuck to me like a venereal disease.” JASON BATEMAN, ABOUT DOING TEEN WOLF TOO, ON THE GRAHAM NORTON EFFECT

”Oh, my gosh! I do that! Mostly pop songs — unless I’m, you know, eating soul food.” ELLIOT (SARAH CHALKE), AFTER DR. CLOCK (HEATHER GRAHAM) CONFESSES SHE SINGS WHILE SHE EATS, ON SCRUBS

”Either she had to sleep in the closet or with the three guys. She don’t want to sleep with Brigitte Nielson because she’s a crazy b—- ” CHARO, EXPLAINING WHY SHE’S OKAY SHARING A ROOM WITH RYAN STARR, ON THE SURREAL LIFE

”They have those church things everywhere, don’t they? What is it called — a mosque or something? They’re on every corner. It’s like Starbucks here.” EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN NICOLE, DISPLAYING HER KNOWLEDGE OF WORLD RELIGIONS IN DUBAI, ON THE AMAZING RACE 5