Is Justin Timberlake Rotten, or merely spoiling for a casting call? First came reports that John Lydon — a.k.a. Rotten — had picked Timberlake to star in a film about his life, to be directed by Penelope Spheeris (based on the ex-Sex Pistol’s 1994 autobiography). Then came denials. Now Spheeris tells EW: ”Justin has not been cast, but he is being considered.” We pray it comes to fruition, because we have our own ”Sid and Nancy”-meets-”Bugsy Malone” casting ideas.
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AS JOHNNY ROTTEN
A spiky’ do will make this Mouseketeer a mousseketeer. He’ll be great feigning embarrassment at Sid’s shirtripping wardrobe malfunctions.
JUSTIN GUARINI AS MALCOLM McLAREN
His Ubercurliness is just right for the moptopped manager Lydon turned against, much the way America came to shun a certain ex-idol.
FRANKIE MUNIZ AS GLEN MATLOCK
It’ll be ”Matlock in the Middle” when Muniz — playing the Pistol Lydon called a ”mummy’s boy” — tries in vain to settle those Johnny/Malcolm squabbles.
CLAY AIKEN AS SID VICIOUS
The hair’s halfway there, and another few months spent learning the record business should help turn that insouciant grin into a contemptuous sneer.
HAYLEY DUFF AS NANCY SPUNGEN
Hillary’s sis won’t be the ”other” Duff after she gets a bad perm and takes an Oscar-baiting role as the Rotten-rejected groupie who later needles Sid.
DAKOTA FANNING AS SHANE MACGOWAN
Currently sans her front teeth, she’s the actor best equipped to play the dentally challenged Pogues founder, one of Rotten’s many 70s celebrity acolytes.