It’s down to 2 — and we’ve got 10 questions
Finally, we can put Trish to bed! (Insert joke here.) Say what you want about this woman, but I refuse to believe that I was the only one who felt a bit sorry for her, sitting alone in her bathrobe, looking out the window of a room located directly beneath Jesse and Mandy Jaye’s ”fancy suite.” Suddenly it became clear just how much ABC was using her — she’s not ”a stalker” if you lead her to the door, folks.
Maybe she is finally ready for a real relationship and just has no clue how to get one. (Although the girl does know how to pull a keycard out of her bustline. Please, lord, let me do that once in my lifetime.) I say make Trish the next Bachelorette. I’d love to see the men who think they have this woman figured out. Who’s with me? (Insert sound of crickets here.) Fine, here are a few more questions.
1. How does Jesse pretend to be awed each time he walks into a room filled with rose petals and candles? Seriously, by the time we got to Mandy Jaye night in D.C., even I was like, ”Been there, done that.”
2. Was there a better time for Jesse (a.k.a. the palest man in North America) to tell Jessica that he was falling in love with another woman — other than right before asking her to spend the night with him in ”paradise” (a.k.a. the Bahamas)? I believe Mr. Palmer had good, ”I wanna be honest with you” intentions, but then why didn’t we get a scene of him explaining to Mandy Jaye that he’s not falling in love with her but still wants to make out? Perhaps that’s something he could have said to her during those awkward, but geniusly edited silences on the Presidential yacht. And note: we didn’t hear Jesse complaining about Mandy Jaye’s pageant past when she politely let him off the hook for kissing her and ditching her.
3. We all think he’s gonna choose Tara now, right? We know Jenny likes her. We know Jesse is falling for her. We know she, um, finally opened up during their Quebec City overnight date. I just hope he doesn’t get bored once the chase has ended…
4. Do I have this straight: Not talking to men makes you less physically attractive, but playing it cool when they return with another woman’s room key in their possession makes you instantly hot?
5. What was up with the ”If Jesse signed up to sit in church, then he picked three great girls for that” comment? Note to Trish: You’re not the only one he looks at that way, and you’re not the only one he kisses that way. Kudos to Jesse for resisting her dress, heels, and legs long enough to explain that chemistry alone doesn’t make a good match. And kudos to Trish for letting it sink in — she uttered the same sentiment during ”The Bachelorettes Tell All.”
6. And speaking of ”The Bachelorettes Tell All:” How far was ABC reaching with that montage showing us how ”influential” Jenny the spy was in Jesse’s decisions? I never spoke with Jenny, and I knew enough to get rid of bubbly ”good girl” Julie and insecure Jessie. (Where was insecure Jessie, by the way? And who were Dolores and Jenny M.?)
7. So we’re supposed to assume that Suzie squeals and claps when she isn’t starstruck? I don’t know how much of her verbal catfight with Trish was edited, but I think Trish won. Turning her ”I’m sophisticated and you’re a babbling idiot” insult around to, ”No, I’m sophisticated and you’re a babbling idiot” isn’t exactly convincing, Suzie.
8. Was there a cameraman specially assigned to Jean Marie? The woman certainly has an expressive face, but I have no idea what it’s saying. No matter how many times you show it to me.
9. What would happen if one of Jesse’s suitors didn’t drink? I’m pretty sure he owes a big thanks to that fruity cocktail for Jessica being able to forget ”the other woman” long enough for her and Jesse to get ”lost in each other.” And champagne seems to do the trick for Tara and Mandy Jaye.
10. If Trish isn’t the next Bachelorette, can it please be Karen? I hereby publicly apologize for referring to her as ”Scary Beauty Queen” in my early recaps. That woman rocks. She’s articulate. She’s funny. She’s sane. And I think a little too mature for Mr. Palmer.