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TV's funniest quotes for the week of April 16, 2004

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”After the surgery, you look in the mirror and you go, ‘Wow. I’ve got Brad Pitt’s face…if he was ugly.”’ ACTOR-COMEDIAN DOUG BENSON, ABOUT MTV’S EXTREME-MAKEOVER SHOW, I WANT A FAMOUS FACE, ON VH1’S BEST WEEK EVER

”Every healthy relationship between a gay man and a straight woman has a sell-by date.” KAREN (MEGAN MULLALLY) TO JACK (SEAN HAYES) ON WILL & GRACE

”I’m pretty sure my guests are not washing their hands…. I’m pretty sure it’s Tom Hanks.” ELLEN DEGENERES, ON WHY SHE’S HAD THREE COLDS SINCE HER TALK SHOW’S DEBUT, ON THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW

”Former Vice President Al Gore has purchased his own cable television channel. He says it will be a lot like C-SPAN, but less exciting.” DAVID LETTERMAN ON LATE SHOW