Ten celeb reality shows we’d like to see
Now that ”The Simple Life”’s stellar run has come to an end, no doubt executives at all the major networks are eagerly rushing to duplicate its ”celebrity fish out of water” formula. And — since we at Entertainment Weekly are nothing if not eager to do the networks’ work for them, free of charge, without so much as a thank you — we’ve compiled just a handful of possible celeb reality shows to fill that niche. You’re welcome.
1. The New Newlyweds
Britney Spears and Jason Allen Alexander adjust to married life together. As with ”24,” the series will take place in real time.
2. Off Air With Ryan Seacrest
The ”American Idol” host spends a month among the Amish — with no access to styling gel, teeth whitener, or personal assistants — performing farm chores and finding ways to feign interest in other people who are neither famous nor himself.
Each week — under the guise of having been booked onto ”The Tonight Show” together — a pair of celebrities are instead stuck in an elevator for 30 minutes, and are forced to work together to escape, or perish in a wreck of steel and flesh. This week: Michael Moore and Ann Coulter.
4. Silent Treatment
Tyne Daly joins a mime troupe, and must learn to act without the use of her voice.
A fading action star becomes governor of a large state, and must govern its residents with wisdom, diplomacy, and discretion — all while not groping any of the women surrounding him.
6. Southern Discomfort
”Queer Eye”’s Thom Filicia is sent to Atlanta to live with a family of four in a house decorated in wall-to-wall orange shag carpeting and dark-brown wood paneling. If he makes it 30 days without touching the décor, he wins $1 million. If the family make it 30 days without throttling him for the strange faux-Southern accent he’s fond of employing to express disdain, they win $10 million.
7. Dinner at Ted’s
Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen invite five celebrity guests to their home for dinner and relaxing conversation. What the guests don’t know: Ted will keep steering conversation back to the subject of ”Becker.” How convincingly will the guests be able to pretend that they actually watch the show? You’ll have to tune in to see!
8. The Defense Rests
Anna Nicole Smith is sent to Harvard Law School, where she must lead the defense of an accused killer. It’s like ”Legally Blonde”! Except real! With an actual human life on the line!
9. The Love Cure
When a noted Upper West Side psychotherapist takes her regular August vacation, she doesn’t put her patients on hold — she hands them over to Courtney Love. Watch in thrall as people at their most vulnerable act on the always-sensible advice of Courtney Love, spreading her unique philosophy of life and proper medication, 50 minutes at a time.
Three words: Jessica Simpson, veterinarian.
What celebrity reality TV shows would you like to see?