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Jessica said WHAT? Read these ''Newlyweds'' gems

Jessica said WHAT? Read these ”Newlyweds” gems — Stink? Drink? Let’s see what MTV babe Simpson thinks…

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Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson, ...

From the moment the bubbly singer popped open a can of Chicken of the Sea and pondered, ”Is this chicken what I have, or is this fish?” the 23-year-old star of MTV’s ”Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica” has won over audiences with her uncomplicated observations on life (not to mention her copious bodily emissions and cute accessories). We here at EW haven’t enjoyed such a refreshing worldview since…Forrest Gump. Herewith, the wit and wisdom of Jessica Simpson.

ON FEMALE GOLFERS ”I guarantee you half of those women don’t have boobs. They get in the way!”

ON GASTROINTESTINAL DISTRESS ”I think I need to go drop some kids in the pool.” And ”It’s just air. It’s not stink. I promise.”

ON WILDLIFE ”I always thought it was a platyMApus.”

ON FINGER FOODS ”I don’t eat buffalo…. It’s not [buffalo]? Then why are they called BUFFALO wings?”

ON MARITAL HARMONY ”Baby, I’m drunk. Let me be bossy.”

ON BEING AN EPICURE ”Buuuurrrrp.” (Jessica’s sister-in-law, Lea, has echoed this utterance on occasion.)