Years ago, some actors built entire careers taking pies in the face. Jason Biggs would never stoop so low, because he takes his pastries elsewhere — as anyone who’s seen ”American Pie” can attest. With the upcoming ”American Wedding” (in theaters Aug. 1) and the DVD rerelease of the first two ”American Pies” on July 29 (complete with bonus making-of documentaries ”Beneath the Crust,” Volumes 1 and 2), it seemed as good a time as any to hit Biggsie with some stupid questions.
Like many Americans, I never saw ”Saving Silverman.” But what was it like working with Steven Spielberg?
It’s tough because of the ensemble nature of war films. I really thought this was going to be my breakout role, but so be it. I’m just glad I got to work with the likes of Spielberg. But it was my performance in that film that got me ”Gangs of New York.”
In ”American Wedding,” you get married. Are you aware that in Canada you can now marry a pie?
Yes. And I’d like to pass some additional legislation to legalize fornication with underage pies. Soon enough, you’ll be able to get really, really high and marry an underage pie in Canada. Legally.
Aren’t you glad I waited until the second question to ask about human-pastry intercourse?
Yes, I am. Thank you for exercising restraint.
In the course of my five-minute preparation for this interview, I noticed that your first movie was ”The Boy Who Cried Bitch.”
I had done extra work in ”The Flamingo Kid” and ”Sea of Love.” I was an extra in ”9 1?2 Weeks” — I think I played a condom. But yes, my first speaking role was in a movie called ”The Boy Who Cried Bitch.”
Are you now or have you ever been the boy who cried bitch?
What the hell does that mean?
I’ve been the bitch. Actually, I played the kid’s crazy roommate in a psychiatric hospital. The boy who cried bitch was crazier than I was. I was crying things like ”idiot” and ”poopyhead.” This kid went right to the ”bitch.”
On the new ”American Pie” DVD, you reveal that the object in the sock was not, in fact, a part of your anatomy, but a sausage. And then you reveal that you ate the sausage afterward. In this space, I’d like to give you the opportunity to humiliate yourself further, if that’s possible.
I don’t really know that that’s possible. Maybe if I’d Krazy Glued the sausage to my hand.
You’re in the new Woody Allen movie, ”Anything Else.” Woody has his own process. What kind of foodstuff did he direct you to hump? Bagel or blintz?
Actually, he wanted a rolled-up slice of New York pizza. But the cheese had to be at just the right temperature. He’s a perfectionist.
What would you like to say to all the young, aspiring porn actors out there who covet your name?
I would like to say: My apologies. I’m really only holding on to my name in the hopes of using it in my future porn career. Hollywood is just my stepping-stone to porn.