WRONG TURN A band of inbred West Virginian mountain men starts killing a carload of lost teens. The really backward part — it was the state’s idea of a ”tourist trap.”
NICOLE KIDMAN She set a bad example for kids at Cannes by smoking a cigarette during an interview. It distracted them from looking at the topless women on the beach.
J. LO Madame Tussaud’s has unveiled a wax double. Some say the likeness is uncanny, others say it doesn’t look like her butt at all.
MOUNT EVEREST With all due respect, Sir Edmund, from now on, it should be news only when someone decides not to climb it.
THE ITALIAN JOB Mark Wahlberg has the perfect plan to steal a huge pile of gold: become CEO of a big company for a few years, run it into the dirt, and then retire.
LEBRON JAMES The high school basketballer has signed a reported $90 million deal with Nike. Blowing his chances of ever getting a college scholarship and playing in the NCAA.
SIMON COWELL The sadistic critic says he won’t do American Idol 3, and it’s not about the money. Because he can always find work torturing political prisoners.
MISS UNIVERSE From Panama City, Panama, women from around the world wearing too much makeup compete for cash — and rich, middle-aged husbands.
RUBEN The XXL American Idol will release his first single, ”Flying Without Wings,” later this week. Of course there are no wings. He’s eaten them all.
ROD STEWART He’s finally divorcing Rachel Hunter, four years after their marriage fell apart. Once a woman reaches half his age, he loses interest.
Rugrats pic gets PG for ”mild crude humor” … Drew picks
Rugrats pic gets PG for ”mild crude humor” … Drew picks Electric Six’s ”Danger! High Voltage” for Angels 2 soundtrack