1 MONSTER GARAGE Auto mechanics are challenged each week to turn cars into things like pontoon party boats on the Discovery Channel. Okay, but can they turn a Yugo into a car?
2 CHARLES SHAW WINE The nickname for the surprise hit $1.99 vintage is Two-Buck Chuck. Why? Drink a whole bottle of it and that’s what you get.
3 JAMIE FOXX He was arrested for allegedly refusing to leave a casino. Man, how much do you have to win before they do that?
4 KENTUCKY DERBY The most exciting two minutes in sports? Sure — if you don’t count having sex with a jockey.
5 BEN & JEN reportedly bought a Gone With the Wind-like plantation. First order of business: introducing their personal assistants to the time-honored tradition of sharecropping.
6 J.K. ROWLING The Harry Potter author is now worth an estimated $445 million, making her even wealthier than the Queen of England. Well, at least until Elizabeth takes her cut.
7 SINEAD O’CONNOR The Irish singer surprises the music world by announcing her retirement. Who knew she was still working?
8 REALITY CENTRAL A new cable channel that will show nothing but reality programming all day long. Wasn’t there already something like this called…the news?
9 SHOPLIFTING ACTRESSES First Winona and now, police say, that maid lady from Will & Grace. Ladies, ladies — everyone knows it’s better for your career to be a junkie than a shoplifter.
10 X2: X-MEN UNITED If the evil, small-minded people really want to rid the world of the superheroes and their mutant ilk, why don’t they just take them to see The Real Cancun?