Entertainment Weekly


Stay Connected


Advertise With Us

Learn More

Skip to content


EW.com reviews the Oscar show

EW.com reviews the Oscar show. Jennifer Garner mixes it up with Mickey, Adrien Brody curses — twice! — and Eminem doesn’t show to pick up his trophy, says Bruce Fretts

Posted on

Mickey Mouse, Jennifer Garner, ...

EW.com reviews the Oscar show

Even during wartime, it’s a grand old tradition: The show must go on. Or, in the case of the Oscars, the show must go on and on and on. So I’ll go on with an annual tradition: my Oscar night viewer’s diary. But like the Academy, I’ll dispense with the preshow hoopla and cut right to the ceremony.

8:30 p.m. The telecast opens with a montage of great Oscar-movie moments, projected onto diamonds in honor of the awards’ 75th anniversary. With any luck, Bette Davis’ line, ”Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy night,” won’t prove prophetic.

8:37 p.m. Emcee Steve Martin cracks, ”Nicole Kidman has worn a fake nose in every movie she’s ever made — except ‘The Hours.”’ So why didn’t he get nominated for wearing a fake nose in ”Roxanne”?

8:38 p.m. In the first of what’s sure to be many Jack Nicholson reaction shots, the ”About Schmidt” star cackles at Martin’s gag about sharing a hot tub with Kathy Bates: ”Who hasn’t?”

8:44 p.m. Here’s Jack again, camping it up after Martin ”outs” him.

8:51 p.m. The special-effects wizards from ”Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers” become the first winners to have their speeches rudely cut short by Bill ”Stick Man” Conti.

8:57 p.m. Man, Chris Cooper looks nervous. No need: He wins best supporting actor for ”Adaptation.” Among the also-rans, Ed Harris looks happy, John C. Reilly looks disappointed, and Christopher Walken looks stunned — but he always looks stunned.

9:02 p.m. John Travolta introduces the first best song nominee, ”I Move On,” from ”Chicago” — which is weird, since Travolta passed on Richard Gere’s role in the movie.

9:10 p.m. Peter Jennings breaks into the broadcast with an update on the war. Okay, now we’re all depressed.

9:13 p.m. ”Alias” goddess Jennifer Garner presents best animated short with Mickey Mouse. Now, that’s a loyal ABC/Disney employee.

9:19 p.m. Mira Sorvino stumbles over her lines presenting Best Costume Design. It must be contagious, as winner Colleen Atwood (”Chicago”) commits a Freudian slip: ”Bill Condon’s strip? script.”

9:26 p.m. Paul Simon performs his best song nominee, ”Father and Daughter,” from ”The Wild Thornberrys Movie.” It ain’t exactly ”Mrs. Robinson.”

9:32 p.m. My wife asks, ”Why are there only two nominees for Best Makeup? They didn’t use makeup in any other movies?” I don’t have an answer for that one.

9:34 p.m. What the hell is Sean Connery wearing? Is that the puffy shirt from ”Seinfeld”? Must be a Scottish thing.

9:37 p.m. Connery announces the winner for Best Supporting Actress: ”Catherine.” That’d be his ”Entrapment” costar, Catherine Zeta-Jones — but you’ve gotta wonder if Kathy Bates was confused.

10:08 p.m. Sorry, I dozed off during ”Y Tu Mamá También” star Gael Garcia Bernal’s endless introduction to the ”Frida” song.

10:13 p.m. Peter Jennings is back. In case you forgot, we’re at war.

10:17 p.m. Michael Moore gets a standing ovation for winning Best Documentary. Then he gets loudly booed for dissing George W. Bush as a ”fictitious president.” Just like Mike planned it, I’m sure.

10:19 p.m. Following Moore, controversy-averse Academy honcho Jack Valenti looks stunned — but he always looks stunned.

10:21 p.m. Um, did one of the best documentary short winners just thank Maury Povich?

10:27 p.m. Um, did Shirley Jones just say, ”Winning an Oscar improved my sex life”?

10:33 p.m. A rambling Colin Farrell introduces fellow Irishmen U2. Gael Garcia Bernal, all is forgiven.

10:50 p.m. In one of the most shocking — and thrilling — upsets in Oscar history, first-time nominee Adrien Brody beats past winners Jack Nicholson, Daniel Day-Lewis, Nicolas Cage, and Michael Caine for Best Actor. ”The Pianist” star deserves another statuette for his tour de force acceptance speech.

11 p.m. Here’s a phrase I never thought I’d type: ”Oscar winner Eminem.”

11:08 p.m. Here’s a phrase I always knew I’d type: ”Oscar winner Peter O’Toole.”

11:11 p.m. As Brody’s reaction to winning is replayed, he can be heard to utter, ”Holy sh–!”

11:17 p.m. Man, Renée Zellweger looks nervous. She should: Nicole Kidman beats her for Best Actress. Okay, I guess I’ll see ”The Hours.”

11:23 p.m. Do we really need a montage of former Academy presidents’ speeches? What’s next, a Price Waterhouse retrospective?

11:27 p.m. Fifty-nine former Oscar winners are introduced, one by excruciatingly slow one. Who knew George Chakiris was still alive?

11:41 p.m. Singing the praises of ”Chicago,” Richard Gere’s voice cracks. Finally, he’s hit puberty.

11:53 p.m. Roman Polanski wins Best Director for ”The Pianist.” As Adrien Brody might put it: ”Holy sh–!”

12:04 a.m. What a surprise! Not that ”Chicago” won Best Picture, but that the Oscars actually ended almost on time.

What were your favorite — and least favorite — Oscar moments?