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Jason Schwartzman answers EW.com's stupid questions

Jason Schwartzman throws his name in the ‘Superman’ hunt and respectfully corrects P. Diddy

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”In one sentence, I’d describe myself as ‘indescribable,”’ says Jason Schwartzman. ”BUT I wouldn’t end it with a period. I’d end it with three dots.” Riiight. No wonder the brainy nephew of Francis Ford Coppola gets some of the weirdest roles out there: ”Rushmore”’s prep school addict Max Fischer and now the crystal-meth addict Ross in director Jonas Akerlund’s ”Spun.” EW.com got the 22-year-old actor and Phantom Planet drummer to answer our stupid questions.

All the other characters in ”Spun” have great nicknames like Frisbee, The Cook, and Spider Mike, but you’re just plain Ross. Were you absent on the day they picked nicknames?

The name Ross looks good. It’s like the number eight — it’s strong and it’s even. And you know someone went to the prom with ”Ross.” I can just hear some girls saying: ”You f—ed ROSS on prom night!?” That’s the kind of name it is.

What was more intimidating: Your tied-down sex scene in ”Spun” or working with Mickey Rourke?

[Mickey] wasn’t so bad. I know karate. But tying someone down [for the sex scene] was awfully intense. I kept apologizing to her: ”I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” It was my first time tying up anybody.

What did your Mom (actress Talia Shire, of ”Rocky” fame) think of the scene?

My mom loved the movie. But when I played it for her I DID start it after the sex scene. I told her the tape broke. I’m like, ”Damn, I don’t know what’s happening! Funny that it starts here.”

”Spun” is essentially an antidrug pic, and we all know drugs are bad, but I’ll admit this if you do: Every ’80s kid tried snorting Pixy Stix out of curiosity. It’s a rite of passage, correct?

You know, there are sections of my childhood that I’ve blacked out, but I think you just sparked a memory. Wait! Hold on…hold on. Yes, it’s true. I think I just had a breakthrough. Thank you.

No problem. I helped you, now you help me. Got any advice on how to cultivate such healthy, bushy eyebrows?

It’s in the genes. Now, Brooke Shields in ”Endless Love” — those were eyebrows. I like the big eyebrows on women.

You know who else had really nice, bushy eyebrows? Keith Moon. You’ve publicly campaigned to play him in a biopic, but who’d play you in ”The Jason Schwartzman Story”?

Keith Moon. Oh, wait…

If the Moon pic doesn’t pan out, Warner Bros. is looking to cast a new ”Superman.” Have you gotten the call yet?

No, but my number is 310-555-MANN. Are they reading this?

You were in P. Diddy’s ”It’s All About the Benjamins” video. As a musician yourself, can you complete this sentence: It’s REALLY all about the…

Wait, what does ”Benjamins” mean in real life? Money? It’s really all about love, then. Good answer, right? That sounds like a self-help book.

I’m a fan of ”Rushmore,” so what would you say if I played the Luke Wilson part and told you ”these are O.R. scrubs” I’m wearing?

I’d say you know the answer to that.